After my freshman year in college, I went back to my small hometown to spend the summer. I had a rather disappointing year as far as grades were concerned. Being the "A" student that I was all through high school and graduating 6th in my class, I was somewhat depressed that I had a "C" average my first year in college. I just didn't fit into either the large university or large city where it resided. Looking back, it's no surprise that I was soon dating the sister of one of my good friends, David. I say "no surprise" because she was just 15 years old. She had a crush on me for years and I found her "innocence" very attractive. Her name was Beverly, Bev for short. We actually went out on our first date during sping break went I went back home to visit. As soon as I returned from college in May of 1985, we started spending a lot of time together. It was sometime in July, right after the Fourth, that I was in for a big surprise. David and Bev's mom had remarried and their step-father had a daughter about a year younger than Bev. She was a "troubled" child having been in and out of trouble for a few years. She had even spent 6 months in a youth camp for disorderly teens for pushing her step-mother (not Bev's mother) up against the wall and roughing her up. Anyway, back to my surprise. I was over visiting Bev a few days after the Fourth of July. Bev's troubled step-sister, who lived a couple of hours away, was visiting her father (Bev's step-father) for a few days. We were in Bev's room when this step-sister takes out a cigarette and lights up. For some reason that didn't surprise me, as I had already figured her to be a "bad" girl. What did surprise me was when Bev asked for a cigarette! She then proceeded to light it right in front of me. My heart sank to a new level of lowness. Beautiful blonde hair, gorgeous face, and a nice tight body to boot, that was my girlfriend Bev. And here she was smoking right in front of me! As for those who have read me earlier posts, I was not pleased with this at all. Seeing a girl smoke was not a turn-on, it was a turn-off that also appealed to me in a strange way. I don't remember what I said to Bev about her smoking, but I do remember that it the beginning of the end. By summer's end, our dating relationship was over. Sometime in the early part of August of 1985, Bev's brother David and I started to talk about college. He had just graduated from the same high school as I did and was planning to leave for a small college a couple of hours from where I was going to college. I remember him telling me that he had received a letter from college informing him of his dorm assignment and who his roommate would be. He wasn't too excited about his roommate as he was a "foreign" guy. We talked a little bit and he said something like how great it would be if he could have a roommate that he already knew instead of a stranger. I agreed as I told him that I was also to get a "new" roommate. One thing led to another and I ended up transferring to the smaller college that he was to attend. It took some doing, but we talked our folks into letting us get an apartment. I barely had time to get everything done since I had waited until only about 3 weeks before the fall semester was to begin. As a bonus to having a roommate that I knew as well a "small town" to call my new home, I also tried out as a "walk-on" for the baseball team. I could never play for the major college that I transferred from, but at this small college I was able to make the freshman team even though I was a sophmore. Baseball was the love of my youth and I had greatly missed it my first year in college. For me, things were really looking up. And my grades greatly improved. Now that I have layed the foundation, I will get back to the smoking fetish part. As my sophmore year in college was ending, my roommate and friend, David, started getting really serious with a girl named Maria. At first I really liked Maria, until I found out that she smoked! I couldn't believe David was dating her, because after me, he was the greatest anti-smoker that I knew. It wasn't long after she and David started "dating" that she started to sleep over almost on a nightly basis, actually moving some of her stuff into David's room. David and I talked about her smoking and he was very adament that he would not let her smoke in his room. So I agreed to allow her to smoke in the den. That being said, let's get into it. It didn't take long for the routine to set it. David and Maria would do the sex thing as soon as they would go to bed. Then Maria would come out into the den and smoke one or two cigarettes before going back to bed. Since I didn't have any early classes, I usually would stay up a couple hours after they went to bed and either read or watch TV. As she stayed over 4 or 5 nights a week, this was the first time that I had ever "lived" with a smoker. The apartment had that smokey smell as she often would smoke a few cigarettes while all of us watched TV and hung out before bed time. It was after Maria and David had sex and she would come out into the den to smoke that things would get interesting. I would find myself gazing at her as she would smoke when we were watching TV. Night after night I would watch her smoke. Most of the time she would be wearing an oversized T-shirt, but sometimes she would be in a very conservative "nightie" that revealed next too nothing. It wasn't long before Maria noticed that I was "watching" her smoke. She took it as though I had an interest in smoking and calmly asked me if I would like a cigarette. I said no and we were soon into a conversation about smoking. She had started when she was 15 and for the first year that she smoked, she didn't inhale. She told me that before she started to inhale, she more or less smoked whenever she desired a cigarette and had the opportunity. That changed when she began to inhale as it didn't take her long to get addicted. Then she was smoking on a daily basis. It was very evident to me that she really, really enjoyed smoking. She explained to me how she smoked without the inhale for the pleasant taste that her Marlboro Light's gave her and that she thought she looked cool with a cigarette. Then she told me she found smoking was a real "blast" once she started to inhale. She described how it made her feel so light-headed and dizzy when she was only smoking a couple of cigarettes a day. Over a period of a couple of months she gradually increased her "dosage" of cigarettes. She was appartently trying to get that dizzy feeling more and more. There came a point where the light-headed feeling diminished but her "need" to smoke increased. Before she knew it, she was smoking over half-a-pack a day. I was amazed that smoking a cigarette could make someone "high" for a few minutes, as I had never heard of that before. I became intrigued. Over the next couple of nights, Maria and I would talk about her own smoking as well as smoking in general. Each night she would offer me a cigarette and I would say no. Just before going back to bed one night she told me that if I ever wanted to try a cigarette to see what it was like, I was welcome to have one of her cigarettes. Since she always left her cigarettes, lighter, and ashtray out in the den, she was tempting me as she knew I would have ample opportunities if I should ever get the itch to try smoking. Although for weeks her cigarettes had been advailable to me, it wasn't to after I had those conversations about smoking with her that I even thought of smoking a cigarette for myself. And I was now starting to think about it, more and more each day. About a week after my conversations about smoking with Maria ended, it finally got to me. It was now time for me to "climb the smoking mountain" that was bedeviling me. After she went back to bed after her last post-sex cigarette, I thought that maybe tonight would be the night. A rush suddenly came over me and I kinda felt naughty for once. I reached down and picked up her pack of Marlboro Light's and opened the box. I then took out a cigarette and held it in my hand. It was the first time that I ever held a cigarette before. I grabbed the lighter with anticipation. I had to flick it a couple of times but I finally got it to light. I let the lighter go out and put the cigarette between my index and middle fingers as I had seen so many smokers do before. Then I smelled the open end of the cigarette. I remember it smelled kinda good, not bad at all. After a minute or two of playing around, I decided now was the time. I put Marlboro Light up to my mouth and flicked the lighter. I brought the flame up to the end of the cigarette. To my surprise, it didn't light. I tried it again, this time holding the flame to the end of the cigarette a little longer. The cigarette barely caught fire and as I took it out of my mouth to see if it was lit, the fire quickly went out. It hadn't dawned upon me, and since no one had ever taught me how to smoke, I wasn't aware that you had to "suck" on the cigarette when you applied the flame to the end of it. However, I did eventually figure it out. Thinking over the past week about possibly trying smoking, I had decided that I would do like Maria did when she started, and not inhale. I certainly didn't want to become addicted, I just wanted to see what it was like. Pretty lame now, but back then it made sense to me. So I "smoked" my first cigarette without an inhale. I did enjoy the taste. And the whole act of me smoking a cigarette was such a giddy experience, I knew I was destined to do it again. So the next night, I smoked another cigarette. And again the next night, never once allowing myself to inhale. I thought it was enjoyable, but I knew from talking with Maria, that I was missing something. In order to demonstate to myself that I wasn't addicted to smoking, I went a few days without smoking. Then I made the big decision: to inhale. That part about getting dizzy and light-headed was starting to appeal to me more and more. So that night after Maria went to bed, I grabbed her cigarettes and lighter and sat on the couch. Wow! What an experience! Since I was smoking Marlboro Light's, the first inhale did not cause me to cough at all, but boy did my head start to spin. I took another drag and the whole room started to spin. I think I inhaled about 5 drags before I got so dizzy that I couldn't sit up, I had to lean over onto my side. Right then as I lay there, I knew that this was something that I wanted to do again! I had seen the light. The smoking light that is! I smoked a cigarette, complete with inhales, each night for the next few days. Although Maria did not spend every one of those nights over at mine and David's apartment, I was clever enough to "borrow" a couple of cigarettes from her without her knowing about it ahead of time. Since I knew that I would have to eventually buy a pack of cigarettes, I went out and bought a pack. It was hard, walking up to the counter of a convenience store and hearing myself say, "a pack of Marlboro Light's" but I did it. Being the nice guy that I am, I slipped one of my recently purchased Marlboro Light's into Maria's pack each night for about a week in order to repay her. At this point I am smoking one cigarette every night, enjoying the dizzy feeling every time. The spring semester comes to a close and David hits me with some bad news. He tells me that he and Maria want to get an apartment together. Sparing all of the details, that idea fell though, but Maria got an apartment (she had been living on campus) with a girl that practically lived at her boyfriend's place. This resulted in my roommate David partially moving in with Maria. He still payed his part of the rent at our apartment, plus a reduced portion of the bills, and I basically had the place to myself. And that is when I started to really smoke. Now not having to worry about getting "caught" smoking, I started to smoke more and more. I was smoking a cigarette and getting "high" off of it about 3 or 4 times a day. Summer had arrived and I had a lot of time on my hands to say the least. I still had to work out to keep in shape for baseball, even though the season was long over. But "fall" ball was only about 3 months away and even small college athletics requires all year dedication to keeping physically fit. At this point, smoking was basically having no affect on my working out. I felt great and I was really enjoying my 3 or 4 "smoke-breaks" each day. Then one day while I was out on the back deck of my second floor apartment about to have a cigarette, I noticed a couple of girls laying out behind our apartment building. They were not directly behind the building, as there were too many trees, but off to the side. I realized that I could see them from my bedroom window, so I went into my room and grabbed my binocolars that I had as a kid. As I focused in on them, I thought, wow, a couple of hotties. I checked them out for a few seconds and then noticed the pack of cigarettes laying on the towel beside one of them. Just the sight of the girls and the thought of them being smokers got me aroused. But I really wanted to smoke a cigarette. What to do? And this is how my stroke and smoke sessions began. So I masturbated and smoked at the same time. It was cumbersome, especially holding the cigarette and looking through the binoculars. But I did it. As was the case back then, I got pretty light-headed off of that cigarette and I had to stop masturbating before I had cum, but I found the experience enjoyable. After the girls layed out the next day in the same spot, I went out and bought a cheap spotting scope that hunter's use. It was much more powerful than my binoculars and was on a tripod. It came in very handy as I spent quite a bit of time watching these two girls and a couple of their friends lay out over the next few weeks. All of them smoked and it wasn't long before I was smoking 3 or 4 cigarettes as I stroked myself. Some days, I would masturbate 3 times and smoke 10 or more cigarettes in a couple of hours watching them. By the time summer had come to an end, I was smoking on average more than a half-a-pack a day. Before I knew it, I had become a smoker. As I started to smoke more, my dedication to keeping in shape had lessened. I was still working out and running, but not near as much as I did before I started smoking. Another highlight of my day was born. The after excercise cigarette! As the fall semester began, I was somewhat worried about baseball. I knew that as part of tryouts we would have certain physical tests to perform. I was really worried about the running tests that were timed such as the home to first dash, the one mile run, and sprinting around of all the bases. To my surprise I got called into the head baseball coach's office right after the first fall ball meeting. He told me that he and his staff had decided that since this was my junior year, he wanted me to be on the varsity. He was impressed with my "freshman" team performance, especially my hitting. I was told that I would be the primary back-up for the senior first baseman and that he planned for me to be his primary left-handed pinch hitter. He also asked me to work on catching fly balls as he might need me to play a little outfield since I was such a good hitter. I had never played outfield before, but I agreed to work on it as I could tell this was my "big" chance. The head coach was really going out of his way to make opportunities for me to play. All I had to do was the work, put in the time practicing. He ended our meeting saying that he was grooming me to be the starting first baseman the following year and would try to give me as much playing time as possible. I was elated. I went back to the apartment feeling incredible. I was so happy. So what do you think I did as soon as I got home? I smoked a "celebration" cigarette. In fact, I smoked two! Well, the first week, our practices were very light. They consisted of limbering-up excerises, playing catch to loosen our arms up and a little bit of running. Everything went fine. The second week the practices were longer as we started hitting and fielding. At the beginning of the third week, things got serious as everyone knew that the process of cutting guys from the team was beginning. The way it worked, if you got cut, and the coaches liked you and thought you had some potential, they would assign you to the freshman team. If not, it was over. It was during this third week that we were timed at running. I had no problem "passing" the sprint from home to first base, although I was told that I was about half a second slower than my best time of the previous year. As for running around the bases, I realized I had a problem. Smoking had definitely had a detrimental effect upon my sustained running ability. By the time I rounded third base, I was gasping for air and running in slow motion. The look on the coaches faces' were not happy ones. It's been over 14 years since this happened and I may be somewhat off on the exact numbers, but I believe 21 seconds was the cut-off for acceptable. My time, around 23 and a half seconds. It was by far the slowest time. Even the plumpest wide-body of a catcher beat the 21 second cut-off without a problem. I felt ashamed of my poor showing. The last test was the one mile run. We moved over to the track field. About 15 or 20 minutes had passed before we actually started, and I remember thinking to myself that I wished we could rest a little more. I still had not recovered fully from the previous two sprints. Once again, I can't remember the exact cut-off time, but I think it was 7 minutes. I finished dead last, and by a long shot to boot. My time was something like 9 minutes and 20 seconds. It was totally embarassing. On the very first lap I fell into last. I think 3 or 4 of the fastest runners lapped me. Coming around that last turn going into the home-stretch was awful, as I was barely running. I would have hung my head in shame, but I held it high in order to gasp as much air as possible. There were a few players laughing and making fun of me, but I was breathing so hard I couldn't understand what they were saying. As I crossed the finish line, I noticed the head coach with his hand covering his face, standing there with a grim look, just shaking his head. Two days later, the list of those that made the varsity team was posted. Underneath, the varsity team list were those that made the freshman team. My name was on neither. My heart sank. The lists were posted on the head baseball coach's office door. A very impersonable way to be told that you were not needed. Which was fine by me, because I really didn't want to try and explain how I could look so good and be so out of shape. I was very depressed. My high hopes of playing baseball for another year were squashed. I went back to my apartment and mulled around thinking about how I had blown it by starting to smoke. I was so depessed that I started a new tradition: the "down-in-the-dumps" cigarette! As I smoked that cigarette, I quickly realized that smoking could not totally make-up for being cut from the baseball team. But it was a close second! I never heard from any of the baseball coaches. Not one word by letter, phone, or in person. It was like I never existed to them. And I never made an effort to get in touch with any on them.And that is the end of how I got into the dark side of the smoking fetish. It's how I went from a nonsmoker to a smoker, from anti-smoking to pro-smoking. I detailed all of the important people and events that led to this turn-about. As for the dark side aspect, I really enjoy the thought of an attractive girl who is a nonsmoker, being enticed into smoking. I also enjoy the thought of an athlete (female, of course) that starts to smoke and ends up having to give up her sport because of her smoking. And lastly, the thought of a pregnant female smoking arouses me to some extent. Those are the three main aspects of the dark side of the smoking fetish that I am into. To a lesser extent, I also enjoy the thought of a female smoker who quits, but then starts back smoking sometime later, as well as a very young girl, say 8 or 9, that steals cigarettes or is tutored by an older female to smoke. Over the last 14 years, there have been many smoking "events" in my life that involve all of these aspects. Most are of a minor note such as a sighting, conversation with a friend about someone else smoking, or talking with a girl about her smoking experiences. That last one is a tricky one for me, because I do not want to let on too much that I am enjoying listening to her talk about her smoking. Yeah, I am still in the "closet" when it comes to the smoking fetish. But a few of the events in my life concerning the smoking fetish are very notable. If anyone would like to read about my experiences, I will be happy to share. As always, all comments, whether pro or con, are welcome.
