So I was instructed to grab a pack of my cigarettes and lighter and the game began. As promised, my first race was against Lindsey. She lit a Marlboro Light 100 and me a Tareyton 100. Knowing that she was possibly the weakest smoker in the group I set out to win the first race. I took long drags and continued puffing. Lindsey smoked confidently, but didn’t even begin try and keep up. I won easily and Lindsey crushed out her cigarette without even finishing it. On a small piece of scrap paper Michelle wrote the results. My lungs were burning and before I could even catch my breath Stephanie had a Tareyton 100 in her mouth and said go. I scrambled to get one and light up. With Stephanie’s lungs not burning she carefully and masterfully took deep drags. I was trying my best but my lungs were already burning. She finished her cigarette and stubbed it out in the ashtray. I started to do the same conceding defeat but she quickly said no, finish it. While finishing it, Stephanie fished into her purse, retrieving an unopened pack of Virginia Slims 100’s. She opened the pack and after extracting a cigarette she handed it to me. You lose bon appetite! I ate the cigarette and no sooner took a drink of water to swallow it down when Michelle said go. Here I was at a disadvantage again. I grabbed another cigarette and started going. My girlfriend Michelle knows no other smoking technique except but to pull deeply on her cigarette and savor the smoke. Her normal drags are equivalent to what some smokers would consider a deep drag. I got beat again. Two losses with only one win in the first three races. Michelle pulled another cigarette from her pack, and said yummy, yummy, right into your tummy. I ate it and this time got my next cigarette ready. When Lindsey said go I was ready. This time Lindsey decided to employ a new tactic. With each inhale she did a double pump and then exhaled directly into my face. Having smoke around my face or blown in my face is not unusual, but she timed it just right and kept breaking my concentration. In what was the closest race so far, Lindsey beat me by about ten seconds. A grin came across her face, as though she was proud that like her older sister and mother she had beaten me. She quickly fished an extra Marlboro Light 100 from her pack and said open your mouth and close your eyes, now you get to eat the prize. I was getting really woozy about now. I had smoked four and eaten three cigarettes at a blistering pace. Unfortunately, I only had one win under my belt. One of five that I needed to end this torture.Race five was about to begin, Stephanie decided she was going to smoke a Virginia Slim this time instead of her Tareyton’s. She decided that I was going to smoke a Virginia Slim also. She lit them both in her mouth and handed me mine and said go. I began and decided to give it my best, so I began rapidly inhaling. I looked up and noticed Stephanie was holding her lit cigarette casually. She was barely smoking from it, but maybe once every 45 seconds. I was over half way through mine. Then she announced, Oops, I gave you the wrong cigarette, that one was mine, here is yours. She reached toward me taking my half smoked one and handed me her barely smoked one. I could have just died. These smoking races were turning into devious ways to torture me. Stephanie easily won the race finishing my half smoked cigarette. I of course was forced to finish the entire cigarette she handed me. I barely stubbed it out when I was handed another Virginia Slim. She decided on a clever poem for my torment. Roses are red and violets are blue, eat this quickly or I’ll make you eat two. This cigarette was the turning point. As it went down, it all came right back up. I managed to get it in the trash can thankfully. Once I caught my breath and wiped my face off with a washcloth I actually felt better. Race six against Michelle. I decided that I was going to win this race. I needed to get another win so I sucked it up and I smoked the whole cigarette in three minutes, easily topping Michelle’s five minute pace.
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